Blog / Really Dumb Stand-Up Paddleboarding Gifts

Really Dumb Stand-Up Paddleboarding Gifts

Ron Hesmer

It’s time to get on the water . . . like, on TOP of the water. YUP it’s SUP time! Sure, you can do it year round, but it’s more fun without the hypothermia. So to help you gear up for the salty season, we shopped for the stupidest paddleboard accessories we could find, and we didn’t have to look far. Lower your I.Q. and check out these brain farts:

1. Unicorn Head Inflatable Child Seat

I will personally buy you this product if you’ll allow me to video you and your kid paddling along in this contraption. The outlay is less than $100 but the comedy (calamity) will be priceless.

2. Paddle Board Connecting Kit

For those times when you and your bestie just want to sit atop your boards and float side-by-side for some reason. Why not just stay in the car?

3. Aero SUP Paddle Seat

Uhhh… I’m pert sure that a SDP (sit down paddleboarding) is just a poor man’s kayak. But if you’re not embarrassed to pay $125 for an inflatable seat that you strap to your board, have at it, Stable Genius.

4. Boost Electric Fin

Nothing says I love paddleboarding like not paddling. If you’re willing to fork over $500 for this cheating device, I’m guessing there’s an E-bike in your garage and Ozempic in your medicine cabinet.

5. Foil Paddle

I’ll take “More Dollars than Sense” for $600, Alex. Kudos to the peeps who get $600 for a paddle; lobotomies for the peeps who purchase them.

6. Stabilizer Float Package

Training wheels for your paddle board. This is an excellent accessory for the guy/gal who doesn’t know how to stand up on a paddle board, but they’re willing to burn $400 to learn. That’s right — $400 — for training wheels.

7. KORKZ Sunglass Straps

Customizeable (laser engraved) floating sunglass straps. What moron came up with this? Oh, wait . . .